Bullied...

This is me on my 21st Birthday. (I may be a little drunk).  This is a weight I am happy with, but it hasn't always been like this.  From around the age of 5 when I started school, I was bullied for being different.  This different was the fact I was bigger than all the other kids, both in height and weight.

When I started infant school, I was a little on the chubby side but obviously being 5 I didn't think anything of it.  I used to get called names a lot but I didn't seem to care too much at that time.

It was the next couple of years as I went into year 2 and 3 that I realised I was different.  I was a big child and nobody else seemed to be.  

The name callng continued 'fatty' 'chubby' 'fatso'.  I know they may not seem harsh but when I was 7 they hurt me.  I carried on as normal trying not to let it get to me.  

When I started Junior school, I tried to put infants behind me and just carry on but it still continued.  It got worse in Years 5 and 6 as I had become a lot bigger and was actually unable to have the proper school uniform as it didn't fit me, so just had to have a purple t-shirt as that was the schools colour.

In year 6 I got picked on quite a lot for being big; mainly by a group of lads and girls who were what they liked to think of as 'popular'.  They'd just sit and call me names and if I didn't respond more than likely kick my chair until I did. =\

Our leavers assembly was based on TV programmes and one of them was eastenders.  They told me I was going to be Sonia from it (when she was quite big).  They then told me my first line was: "Do i look fat?"

Wow!! What a line to give the big girl!!!!

That school year couldn't have ended soon enough as I knew most of the people who picked on me were going to another school and not the one I was going to.  I was relieved when that final bell rang for summer!!

Little did I know this bullying was still going to carry on for the first few years of high school.  I was still a big girl when I was in Year 7 but my mum told me it was just puppy fat and I'd grow into my body, but I didn't believe her.  

Years 7 to 10 were horrible.  I'd get called worse names than i did before and at one point in year 9 when I was walking home from school, two of the lads who had picked on me in Junior school were walking behind me shouting stuff to me.  I ignored it, but little did i know they had something else planned.  

I carried on walking, ignoring everything they were saying until i heard them laughing and then the sound of a lighter being flicked.  They had tried to set my hair alight.

I ran home and told my mum what they had done and its obvious that she was less than impressed. 

Me in Year 9.

Year 10 came and went, and I was still as I had been for years picked on for being fat.  It was year 11 I decided to do something about it.  

I decided in year 11 I was going to lose weight for our leavers prom.  I didn't want anyone being nasty to me because I didn't look right in a dress.  My school uniform hugged me to start with that year and halfway through it became very baggy.  There wasn't any point in buying a new one, so I just wore it and nobody knew or realised I was losing weight.

I don't have a photo of what I looked like in year 11 before i went on my diet but i was very big.  I was a size 20/22 in clothes.

July 2006 came around fast.  I had been on my diet since the summer of 2005.  I had a lovely pink dress to wear to prom and nobody had seen me out of my uniform and in normal day clothes.  We had arranged to have a limo take us to prom, so when it arrived it would be the first time my friends had seen me since i lost weight.  Funnily enough, they were shocked!!

When the limo pulled up outside the place where the prom was held, my friends had decided I was going to get out first.  I didn't want to because there were loads of people there from school and I thought of all the bullying, but i did.

All the 'wows' and 'ohmygod's' were amazing!! I had finally done it!! I had stunned people and I wasn't going to get picked on anymore.  Most of them wows were actually from people who had picked on me at school and they all tried to talk to me as if we had been friends for years! 

HA! I wasn't going to talk to them after they had made my school years hell, purely for the fact I was fat.  I walked past them and walked in to the prom with my friends to start the night!

Those bullies were shocked that I had ignored them and not wanted to speak to them.  Well why would i? The only reason they were talking to me now was because i had lost weight!

Me on prom night 2006. (pink dress)

Once prom was over, summer began and I prepared myself for 6th form.  I was still on a diet as I had a long way to go and by September 2006 when I walked in the school gates again I wasn't letting anything get me down!! Once again people were shocked when I walked in the hall and had slimmed down even more to a size 12 and those 'popular' people tried talking to me, but i wasn't interested.  I had my friends; the ones who didn't care whether i was fat or thin.  Those others aren't worth bothering with as they all thought they were better than everybody.

By the time we had our Year 13 leavers ball, I was a size 10 and very thing.  My mum thought I looked ill as i was too skinny and very bony but i didn't think anything of it.  People had mentioned that i looked ill but i took no notice.  I loved being a size 10.  When I met Scott i was a size 10 still and he said he was terrified of breaking me as it looked like i'd snap in half.

Leavers Ball 2008.  

Look how bony i was...

It was then that i listened to when people said i looked ill and decided to lay off the dieting and put a bit of extra weight on.  I am now a healthy size 12/14 and feel amazing.  There are still days when I get down about how i look as i don't have a toned body etc, but my fella lets me know how beautiful I am and that he wouldn't have me any other way and i forget why i felt down.

In a way i should thank all those bullies for picking on me all those years because, because of them I wouldn't have dieted and I wouldn't have lost all that weight.  The only thing I don't thank them for is deciding to talk to me because i lost weight and was a size that they thought was acceptable for them to talk to someone!!

It isn't about looks that you should give someone the time of day, its their personality!!!

xoxo